To my precious Logan, No words can describe how excited I was when I first found out about you and how scared I was that I might ever let you down. You were loved from that second more than I have ever loved anyone. You brought joy into our world from this day onwards. I will never forget the proud look on your daddies face when he was telling the family about you. I enjoyed feeling you wiggle in my tummy and you were always so active, so I found it fascinating when you stopped to listen to your daddy. Many times he would place his hand on my tummy and start talking to you but you didn’t kick back, just listened to him. You and I had the ‘perfect’ pregnancy, you were growing perfectly, there was nothing wrong apparently. I looked forward to holding you in my arms for the first time, kissing you and cuddling you and tending to your every need. I couldn’t wait to see who you most looked like. Turned out you looked more like your daddy, which I was pleased about, you would have been a heartbreaker for sure. You was perfect in every way. I was excited to see your smile and hear you laugh for the first time. Most of all I couldn’t wait to hear your first cry and hold you close whilst you held my finger in your hand. I started to learn nursery songs so I could sing you to sleep. I looked forward to ‘tummy time’ and laying on the floor just watching you explore a world of sound, colour and texture. I pictured helping you with your first steps, walking towards daddy who would have had a camera in his hands until you reached him and he would scoop you up in his arms and give you a big cuddle. I couldn’t wait to show you off the world, introduce you to your nanny’s and granddad’s and the rest of the family. I was looking forward to your personality, hoping you would have picked up the best bits from me and daddy. We didn’t have a nursery for you as you were to share our bedroom with us, so we painted one wall different colours. We didn’t know if you were a boy or a girl at this stage so I hoped the colours would be alright. We set up a cot for you that had jungle animals on the covers and the mobile. We had everything planned for you and we were just waiting for your arrival. You were supposed to be my perfect, precious little boy. I never thought this would happen and no matter how hard I try, I just don’t understand why you had to be taken from us. I feel guilty that I was unable to stop this from happening, because for the first 9 months of your life I was responsible for nurturing you into this world, safe and sound. I am sorry for not holding you close when you were born, for not cuddling you and kissing you, it’s not because I didn’t love you! I felt awful leaving you in the hospital but hoped sooty would give you the comfort you needed. I am so sorry I didn’t say goodbye to you that day but it was too painful and to be honest I didn’t want to believe or face the fact that you were no longer with us. We have your hand and foot prints as mementos but it’s not the same, I don’t want the memories, I want you. I feel you in my arms every day and long for you to be there, smiling up at me. Although I didn’t get to know you I miss you so much! I will never be the same without you, you have touched my heart and soul. You will always be in my heart and I will never stop thinking about you. I take comfort in knowing your great nanny and granddad are looking after you. All my love Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx